Pressure: A Short Story

Pressure. I went through my entire life under the notion that I understood the meaning of pressure. Today, I learned that my previously held understanding of the word has been woefully, and severely understated. For on this day, I have experienced the maximum capacity of pressure that a human can endure.

It all began with a double shot of Espresso. Mere minutes before my Accounting exam, I was getting last minute studying in because this class isn’t easy and I’m already really stressed about it. I supplemented the frantic studying by chugging espresso to pry my baggy eyes open. I was now much more awake. Great. The coffee did its job!

The time comes, and I begin the exam full of energy. Just 3 minutes into the Exam, the freshly consumed coffee takes its vengeance. My bowels go into full evacuation mode. Imagine turning on a fire hose full blast and pinching the end with your fingers in attempt to stop the flow… FOR THE ENTIRETY OF A 2 HOUR EXAM! What followed was not pretty. Sweat pouring, limbs twitching, extreme clenching, and prayers of desperation. All while trying to make complex calculations and answer intricate questions. I wouldn’t have wished this torture upon my worst enemy. In the moment, waterboarding would have seemed like a suitable alternative.

 It is an absolute miracle that I made it out alive, because as soon as the final scan tron square was scribbled in, I launched into a full-on sprint to the bathroom from where relief had been seductively whispering in my ear for the last 2 hours.

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